Guilt and being a good "housewife"

I ran across The Good Wife's Guide that was supposed to have run in a magazine called Housekeeping Monthly in 1955. The authenticity of this article is disputed, but there are some things we can glean from it. Honestly there may be some benefit to this, in reminding us of God's role for wives being “helpmeets” for their husbands. Now I can see both the humor and the truths. However, in a way it does bring back some awful memories. You see there are some who believe in these things literally and teach that a good this is a virtuous Christian wife. When I was in the darkness of my PPD I was unable to keep up with housekeeping, had mood swings, and felt like a complete failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t the perfect wife or mother.

A week before I had my "break down" and saw my doctor for help with my postpartum depression, I went to a ladies retreat put on by my church. I was looking forward to spiritual renewal and fellowship with my sisters in Christ. I had been struggling since the birth of my son 8 months earlier. My life felt like it had fallen apart and the pieces fell to the bottom of a dark pit.

I had my 8 month old son with me, as I was breastfeeding and would be gone a couple of days. I started out apprehensive because my baby hated car trips, and he’d want to nurse often. I drove several hours to the ranch where the retreat was being held. The drive was invigorating. I usually don't drive on longer trips by myself. It felt liberating. It was a sunny day, and I had good music playing in the car. It was a nice trip, although baby voiced his displeasure for most of the drive.

The main speaker was a woman who had been serving with her husband in the ministry for 30 some years. I looked forward to hearing her words of wisdom.

My high spirits and expectations came crashing down in one of her morning sessions.

I think this is what drove me to the edge. She told a story about a woman with a couple of small children that she paid a visit to. This visit was around dinnertime, and the speaker was bewildered that the young mother wasn’t busy preparing a meal for her husband. The husband came home from work, and the wife said, “let’s get pizza.” Well, the speaker said that was inexcusable. She said that a wife should have a hot meal on the table for her husband, a clean house, and clean children. She went on to say that a woman “should get ready” for her husband by changing clothes and fixing her hair. A wife should never wear sweats around her husband or look unkempt & frazzled. The children should be bathed and have their toys put away. A wife shouldn’t burden her husband with all the mundane trials if her day. Now I had not seen this 1950’s Good Wife article until a couple of days ago. When I saw this I realized it was almost verbatim of the lesson she taught strewn about with some Bible verses.

A sermon like that, I guess, is supposed to motivate, but it just made me more depressed by pointing out my shortcomings. There was no way physically or mentally that I could keep up with even part of that list. I really didn’t need that on top of every thing else that had been going on. Normally I can glean the meat and take the rest with a grain of salt. This time it was hard. All of my shortcomings were rolled up into a ball (more like a bowling ball) and thrown on my head.

I did not let this shake my faith in God. I realized that God knew what I was going through. I know that this woman had no idea what I was going through, and I shouldn’t take it personally. I needed to get direction and comfort directly from the scriptures, not from man. The most important thing is to have a personal relationship with Christ.

"The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him out of them all." Psalm 34:1-19

(P.S. Check out a revised Good Wife list here http://lifeofayoungwife.blogspot.com/2007/11/actual-1955-good-housekeeping-article.html )