I was recently touched by Susan Stone's letter on Postpartum Progress. She said, "I speak not only to mothers whose living babies are at her breast, but to those mothers who stand with empty arms whose eyes may be fixed on a distant horizon where a too brief life has wandered, a mother nonetheless. This mother may not find a kinship in her isolated mourning; we must reach out to her and lead her to her rightful place among us for babies seen and unseen never leave us." Although I have never death with losing a child, I felt convicted of the need to reach out to women who may be going through the post-partum period with no baby, but with grief, depression, and a myriad of other emotions.
Mother's Day was a little over a week ago. That day can be very difficult for many women. Often society thinks of mothers as women who are actually raising or raised a child in in their home. Mothers who have lost an infant to a miscarriage or stillbirth are still mothers, though. Often mothers who have suffered miscarriages or stillbirths are overlooked while talking about postpartum depression. They go through the same hormone and physical changes, while also dealing with the grief from losing a child. There is a good article about depression after miscarriage by Karen Kleiman, MSW posted at Born Angels.
If you know someone who has had a miscarriage or stillbirth here is a helpful list of some Do's & Dont's. There are some common things that well meaning people say trying to be helpful, but they only add the the pain. Among them: "You can have another baby." or "It was God's will." or "You'll get over it." Often a simple, "I'm sorry," is enough and being there to to listen and care.
Here are some links for websites offering support after miscarriages and loss of children:
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