Help me, Lord! I want to run away

Inspirational Bible Verses

2011-05-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

Here is an article listing 5 passages from the Bible that can be an encouragement to women going through postpartum depression.

Disposing of Old Medication

2011-04-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

It used to be that people were told to flush old, expired, or unneeded medicines down the toilet, but out of environmental concerns that is not the case anymore.

It is also important to get rid of medication safely, so it doesn't pose a risk for children who may get ahold of it. Accidental poisoning is a very real and dangerous threat for children, young children who may not know any better and older children wishing to experiment.

This article explains how to safely get rid of old medication.

Mothers of Newborns, Sleep Loss, and Postpartum Depression

2011-04-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

Mothers of newborns are no strangers to broken and lost sleep. Sleep loss is an important component in the progression and severity of postpartum depression.

Down in the dumps

2010-11-14T22:07:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks I have been feeling down in the dumps. I've lacked motivation and energy. I really haven't been very productive. This time of the year is hard for me, with the gray, wet weather.

Then some stressful things occurred. I took a few things too seriously and interpreted them as personal attacks. I worried a bit too much, gave myself a migraine, and got physically ill. I felt pretty terrible.

Logically I knew that some of the things that I was obsessing about were not worth getting worked up over, and I was probably over reacting. There are a couple of things that over the next couple of weeks I will be putting pieces of the puzzle together with my doctor. First always remember "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble," Psalm 46:1. I took my problems to God in prayer.

Much to my surprise I got an e-mail, in the middle of feeling sorry for my self, telling me that my blog got an award - Top 10 Postpartum Depression Blog.

Medical Coding

One-Third of patients prescribed anti-depressants receive proper follow-up

2010-01-30T12:02:00.000-08:00

Over at Postpartum Progress I read an article about a study that found that only 1/3 of patients prescribed anti-depressants receive proper follow-up. In the January 2010 issue of Psychiatric Services, research concluded "Patientsreceiving their initial prescription from psychiatrists werenearly five times as likely as patients receiving their initialprescription from primary care providers to receive guideline-concordantfollow-up care." There were 4,102 patients reviewed and only 31% received follow-up visits keeping with accepted guidelines.

Removing ads

2009-10-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

I've made the decision to remove the ads from my blog. This type of blog, I believe, should be free of advertising.

Chinese Postpartum period

2009-06-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

There's an interesting study posted at Postpartum Progress about the Chinese custom of a month of seclusion for postpartum mothers. A study in the August 2009 issue of the Journal of Affective Disorders looked at the Chinese custom of "confinement" or "doing the month." Researchers looked at 16 different studies and concluded that there was little consistent evidence that the practice of confinement reduced postpartum depression.

I have been intrigued by the practice of other cultures of confinement, wondering if it helped to prevent postpartum depression. In our culture there seems to be such a rush to return back to normal life. Chores need to be done and older children need to be taken care of. Visitors often come & go eager to see the new baby. The postpartum period is stressful and quite and adjustment to make. However upon thinking confinement, I am reminded of the story Yellow Wallpaper that I read in college.

The Chinese call it Zuo Yuezi. New mothers rest at home, often under the care of their mother-in-law. They are supposed to eat certain foods and herbs, dictated by traditional Chinese medicine. There's an interesting article here that tells about the custom. There's another article here written by someone who traveled from New York to Taiwan for the purpose of going to a Chinese postpartum recovery center. There were maternity coaches to teach infant care & breastfeeding, and nutritional meals are tailor made to the mother's needs. New mothers stay at the center from a few days up to the traditional month. It sound's nice, but I can't imagine how expensive that must be. Here, in the United States, we have postpartum doulas, but I don't know many who can afford to pay for postpartum help.

Getting some cherished sleep

2009-06-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

According to the Australian National Sleep Research Project a new baby results in 400-750 hours of lost sleep for the parents during the first year. Numerous studies have been done about sleep loss. Sleep loss affects one’s ability to concentrate and think clearly. It causes irritability and stress. It also lowers the body’s ability to fight illness and may lead to health problems. One study states, “All new mothers experience some sleep loss following childbirth, as their estrogen and progesterone hormone levels plunge.” Neurotransmitters that influence sleep quality also affect mood, increasing sleep deprived mothers’ risk for depression.” Combine this hormonal explanation for decreased sleep with the inevitable middle of the night feedings and that’s even less sleep.

Sleep loss was a major factor in my postpartum depression. Before I ever had children I worked all hours of the night, but when I got home I slept 8-9 hours. After my first child I took naps during the day whenever he slept. After number 2 I was in for a shock! I couldn't nap much during the day. I was absolutely exhausted.

Of course the middle of the night feedings can’t be avoided. The first couple of months are the most sleep deprived. Take advantage of any opportunity to take a nap. Enlist the help of family or friends willing to baby-sit so you can nap. Eventually a time does come when babies start sleeping for longer periods of time and wake up less often. Once you’re at the point that your baby is sleeping more regularly during the night, it’s important to take care of yourself. Getting sleep is critical. It’s hard to operate on less sleep that your body requires.

A while back I was tired all the time. Mid morning would come and I'd sit on the couch unable to keep my eyes open. I would nod off, and my little boy would come poke me saying, "Momma, eyes open!" I couldn't function. I was dragging all day. We were relying on pizza, chicken nuggets, and other convenience foods because I was just too tired to cook. Messes were piling up. I was stuck in a rut because I wasn't sleeping well at night.

I've heard women complain that they can't go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink or other chores undone. Admittedly I too have lain awake, unable to sleep, because of something left unfinished. I’ve suffered from anxiety all too much. I force myself to go to bed, and then lay there with my thoughts racing unable to rest. At the end of the day it’s important to have peace knowing you tried your best, not be full of anxiety over what didn’t get done.

When the children were sleeping, I'd catch myself loading the dishwasher at 12am. I’d look at all the chores needing to be done. I do what I can, but have learned that I need to set boundaries. I need to give myself a bedtime. Staying up late and loosing sleep doesn’t help. I will just be more tired the next day and be even less productive.When you're just trying to survive dishes, laundry, vacuuming, etc. aren’t that important. It’s not being lazy to go to bed when you’re exhausted. So if things aren't done, oh well, there's always tomorrow. Sure it might be a little harder preparing breakfast if there's stuff laying around. But if I'm bleary eyed and dragging because I stayed up too late that's not good either.

So what’s one to do? At one point my doctor wrote me a prescription for Ambien. Later I decided to go the natural route, and my naturopath recommended an herbal tincture. How about prayer? Pray that God will take all these little burdens. Shed them and leave them with God. Ask God for peace, rest, and a good night sleep.

"It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep." Psalm 127:2 (KJV)

2009-05-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

I was recently touched by Susan Stone's letter on Postpartum Progress. She said, "I speak not only to mothers whose living babies are at her breast, but to those mothers who stand with empty arms whose eyes may be fixed on a distant horizon where a too brief life has wandered, a mother nonetheless. This mother may not find a kinship in her isolated mourning; we must reach out to her and lead her to her rightful place among us for babies seen and unseen never leave us." Although I have never death with losing a child, I felt convicted of the need to reach out to women who may be going through the post-partum period with no baby, but with grief, depression, and a myriad of other emotions.

Mother's Day was a little over a week ago. That day can be very difficult for many women. Often society thinks of mothers as women who are actually raising or raised a child in in their home. Mothers who have lost an infant to a miscarriage or stillbirth are still mothers, though. Often mothers who have suffered miscarriages or stillbirths are overlooked while talking about postpartum depression. They go through the same hormone and physical changes, while also dealing with the grief from losing a child. There is a good article about depression after miscarriage by Karen Kleiman, MSW posted at Born Angels.

If you know someone who has had a miscarriage or stillbirth here is a helpful list of some Do's & Dont's. There are some common things that well meaning people say trying to be helpful, but they only add the the pain. Among them: "You can have another baby." or "It was God's will." or "You'll get over it." Often a simple, "I'm sorry," is enough and being there to to listen and care.

Here are some links for websites offering support after miscarriages and loss of children:

It Is Well With My Soul

2009-05-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

I recently found great inspiration when I sang this song during a congregational at my church.

It Is Well With My Soul
by Horatio Gates Spafford

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Happy Mother's Day - A Tribute to Mothers

2009-05-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

Before I was a Mom

author unknown

Before I was a Mom

I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing.

I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom,

I slept as late as I wanted

And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom

I cleaned my house each day.

I never tripped over toys or forgot words of lullabies.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom

I had never been puked on

Pooped on

Spit on

Chewed on

Peed on

Or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a Mom

I had complete control of:

My thoughts

My body

And my mind.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child

So that doctors could do tests or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

When I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

Could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

Could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay

I had never known the warmth

The joy

The love

The heartache

The wonder

Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Thankfulness & Rejoicing

2009-05-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

I had to keep reminding myself of the above verse, today. I went in to use my computer this morning and smelled on awful, hot, electronic odor. My hard drive & power supply had apparently fried. It had been at least nine months since I last backed up my files. I know there are some things lost.

I spent several hours fretting about all the files I lost. Then I caught myself. Does any of it really matter? In the whole scheme of life, is it important? I still have my family, my house, my health. I am thankful that wasn't the only computer in the house. I am thankful it was just a computer, not my house burning down.It's important to remember to be thankful for what we do have, not regretful of what we don't have. It's easy to forget that each day is a gift from God. Even if the day is hard, frightening, and you feel as if you don't want to trudge on, the fact that you woke up this morning is a gift.

Today is a pretty, sunny day. Birds are singing. There was a time not so long ago that I wouldn't have cared about that. I was stuck, just trying to survive each day, sometimes each hour. God was still there, though it didn't always feel like it. He was there, carrying me.

Psalm 42:5 "Why are thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted in me? Hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance."

A Lesson in Humility

2009-05-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

When I was going through my postpartum depression & anxiety, I was miserable. I couldn't see how anything good could possibly come from all of this suffering. I look back and realize that my postpartum experience has changed me, for the better.

Before every thing was black and white. I unknowingly put myself on a pedestal. I thought I had all the answers. I thought that I knew a lot more than I really did. I didn't have very many life experiences to draw from. I really had no clue. I hadn't suffered or been through many trials.

My experience has taught me compassion. I thought I was compassionate and empathetic before. Now I actually understand more about compassion and empathy.

My work as a 911 operator has allowed me to talk to several mentally ill and emotionally unstable people. I felt concern for them, but I had no comprehension of what's it's like to not be able to trust your own mind or to be unable to control what's happening. Now I understand quite a bit more. I can relate on a different level.

I thought I was strong. I ought to be able to handle motherhood. The problem was that I was thinking in terms of "ME" too much. God wants us to put our faith completely in him. Sometimes we need a nudge to get us to the point where we aren't trying to do things in our own power. I had to be reminded that I am the clay & God is the potter. I was more like dried up play-dough.

1 Peter 5:5-7 "...God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you
in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

God wants us to have joy & victory. He knows how difficult our life may be. Life is hard. Each day brings new challenges and struggles, especially for a mother of a baby and/or young children. Children grow fast. This will only last a short time. I know when you're going through it, each day seems to drag so slowly. But it will pass.

Melanie Blocker Stokes MOTHER'S ACT

2009-04-25T23:19:00.000-07:00

I hoped to write something about the Mother’s Act sooner. Okay, I guess it’s better late than never. I was actually glad that Blog Day was made Blog Week, but I missed it anyway.

There is a great need for more research and education about postpartum mood disorders. More research is desperately needed to find causes and better treatment options. I have heard estimates of 1 in 8 and 15% of postpartum women will get postpartum depression. Personally I think the number is higher. I think many women go through it without being properly diagnosed. Many people suffer as a result of postpartum mood disorders. It affects not only the mothers, but the entire family.

I've caught glimpses of anti-Mother's act websites, blogs, and Youtube videos. They are quite compelling. They confused me with talk of "Big Pharma" and forced medicating. Thankfully, I actually read the text of the Mother's Act. The fact is that there is nothing in the Mother's Act about forcing prescription medication. I concluded that many of those against it may not have actually read it. Or they may not have any comprehension of what it feels like to live with something like postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, or even psychosis.

Seriously there does need to be more public education. Women and families going through a postpartum mood disorder need to know that it’s okay and that it’s a treatable condition. Doctors and other medical professionals need education too. They need to realize the seriousness and need to be aware of resources. Medical professionals need the tools necessary to provide assistance and direction to these women and their families. Women shouldn’t have to be fearful of their doctor’s minimizing the problem. Information about where to go for help should be readily available. Getting mental health help can be difficult. At least where I live, psychologists & psychiatrists are booked up for at least 4 weeks. When I was at my worst with PPD, I called the therapist that my O.B. referred me to, plus all the mental health providers in the yellow pages. They were all booked up for several weeks. That was no consolation to me because I was in turmoil then, and I didn't want to wait. Trying to get help is itself enough to drive someone to the brink.

I do know the personal turmoil & desperation. I know the desperate need for the problem to be fixed & go away. I also know the desperate need for being "normal" and being able to cope. The process of getting help shouldn't add to the stress and make problems worse.

There are many consequences of untreated postpartum depression. The National Center for Children in Poverty at Columbia University came out with a study in Jan 2008 about Reducing Maternal Depression and It's Impact on Young Children. There can be learning disabilities, behavior problems, and other psychological problems for the child. They advise that depressed mothers affect the readiness of young children entering school. I think of my own son. If I had gotten treatment sooner, would he still need to be in a preschool for developmentally disabled children? There is also general family stress and marital problems to consider. Many women who go through postpartum depression look back and see gaps, and things like fun, playful memories that are missing.

You can read more about the Mother's Act at these wonderful sites:

A great interview with Mary Jo Codey, former first lady of New Jersey and an advocate for the Mother's Act.

What can you do to help? Look here.

A statement from Senator Menendez applauding grassroots show of force

Happy Belated Easter

2009-04-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

On Sunday most of us celebrated the resurrection of our Jesus Christ. His resurrection provides us with hope. If we accept his gift of eternal life, then we have that joyous hope. He is our comforter. Though we face dark, lonely, and seemingly hopeless times, He is there.

John 16:33 "These things have I spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation; but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

I would like to share one of my favorite Hymns.
It is well with my soul by Horatio G. Spafford

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea-billows roll,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to know,
"It is well, it is well with my soul."

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin - oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin - not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to His cross and I bear it no more;
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh, my soul.

And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend-
Even so - it is well with my soul.

An illustration

2009-04-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

I ran across this illustration on another blog. I thought I'd pass it along to anyone who hasn't seen it. It certainly makes a point about how I sometimes feel.

http://wellpostpartum.com/2009/04/12/did-you-know-maternal-nutrition-and-bonding/

A moving story

2009-04-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

Here is a very moving story from a father, who lost his daughter to postpartum depression
http://www.empowher.com/news/herarticle/2009/04/09/father-s-story-losing-his-daughter-postpartum-depression

Guilt and being a good "housewife"

2009-04-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

I ran across The Good Wife's Guide that was supposed to have run in a magazine called Housekeeping Monthly in 1955. The authenticity of this article is disputed, but there are some things we can glean from it. Honestly there may be some benefit to this, in reminding us of God's role for wives being “helpmeets” for their husbands. Now I can see both the humor and the truths. However, in a way it does bring back some awful memories. You see there are some who believe in these things literally and teach that a good this is a virtuous Christian wife. When I was in the darkness of my PPD I was unable to keep up with housekeeping, had mood swings, and felt like a complete failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t the perfect wife or mother.

A week before I had my "break down" and saw my doctor for help with my postpartum depression, I went to a ladies retreat put on by my church. I was looking forward to spiritual renewal and fellowship with my sisters in Christ. I had been struggling since the birth of my son 8 months earlier. My life felt like it had fallen apart and the pieces fell to the bottom of a dark pit.

I had my 8 month old son with me, as I was breastfeeding and would be gone a couple of days. I started out apprehensive because my baby hated car trips, and he’d want to nurse often. I drove several hours to the ranch where the retreat was being held. The drive was invigorating. I usually don't drive on longer trips by myself. It felt liberating. It was a sunny day, and I had good music playing in the car. It was a nice trip, although baby voiced his displeasure for most of the drive.

The main speaker was a woman who had been serving with her husband in the ministry for 30 some years. I looked forward to hearing her words of wisdom.

My high spirits and expectations came crashing down in one of her morning sessions.

I think this is what drove me to the edge. She told a story about a woman with a couple of small children that she paid a visit to. This visit was around dinnertime, and the speaker was bewildered that the young mother wasn’t busy preparing a meal for her husband. The husband came home from work, and the wife said, “let’s get pizza.” Well, the speaker said that was inexcusable. She said that a wife should have a hot meal on the table for her husband, a clean house, and clean children. She went on to say that a woman “should get ready” for her husband by changing clothes and fixing her hair. A wife should never wear sweats around her husband or look unkempt & frazzled. The children should be bathed and have their toys put away. A wife shouldn’t burden her husband with all the mundane trials if her day. Now I had not seen this 1950’s Good Wife article until a couple of days ago. When I saw this I realized it was almost verbatim of the lesson she taught strewn about with some Bible verses.

A sermon like that, I guess, is supposed to motivate, but it just made me more depressed by pointing out my shortcomings. There was no way physically or mentally that I could keep up with even part of that list. I really didn’t need that on top of every thing else that had been going on. Normally I can glean the meat and take the rest with a grain of salt. This time it was hard. All of my shortcomings were rolled up into a ball (more like a bowling ball) and thrown on my head.

I did not let this shake my faith in God. I realized that God knew what I was going through. I know that this woman had no idea what I was going through, and I shouldn’t take it personally. I needed to get direction and comfort directly from the scriptures, not from man. The most important thing is to have a personal relationship with Christ.

"The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivereth him out of them all." Psalm 34:1-19

(P.S. Check out a revised Good Wife list here http://lifeofayoungwife.blogspot.com/2007/11/actual-1955-good-housekeeping-article.html )

Running on Empty

2009-04-02T22:35:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling absolutely depleted. I've felt exhausted, like I've been running on empty. I thought it was from the stress of the hustle & bustle of the Christmas season, but it didn't go away after the new year.

I went on my first visit to a Naturopathic doctor yesterday. I'm excited. I'm starting a new regimen of magnesium, B6, rosemary, vitamin d. I've been taking fish oil, but am supposed to take more. I've also been without caffeine for about a month. So we'll see.

The last time I felt this exhausted was when I was dealing with postpartum depression.

As mothers, especially of a new baby, we have to give & give of ourselves until there's nothing left. It somehow seems selfish to take care of our needs, at least for me. It seemed like family should be first, especially the poor, helpless infant who depends on mommy for everything. As Christian mothers we want to be the virtuous woman from Proverbs 31. So if we take time out, guilt sets in.

It reminds me of the speech that they give on airplanes about putting your oxygen mask on first before you help others. If you don't have air, then you will be useless to anyone else.

Somewhere there is a balance. Finding that place where you get your needs met as well as you family's is the challenge that we all have.

You do need to take care of yourself. Try to replenish what is missing, whether it's sleep, nutrients, or needing spiritual replenishment. I know from personal experience that it's easier said that done.

Who will take care of you or your family, if you fall apart? That is an important thing to consider. Do you have a support system? Are there family, friends, church family that you can lean on when you need help or in times of crisis?

Fill My Cup, Lord,
I Lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of Heaven, feed me til I want no more
fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole! Richard Blanshard

The importance of exercise

2009-04-01T00:08:00.000-07:00

Exercise is really important, but especially hard in the postpartum period. When you're exhausted from being sleep deprived, it's really hard to head out to the gym or out for a run. A nice walk outside, though, is beneficial.

Exercise provides many benefits. It is a distraction, generally improves your health, helps release stress, and produces endorphins. If you are outside the sunshine and fresh air have added benefits.

Force yourself to get moving. Put baby in a front pack, sling, or in a stroller and head out for a walk. Even a short one will help.

After the birth of my first son, I started Karate. The sensei put us through an awesome workout. It seemed like torture at the time, but after I got home I felt so invigorated. Unfortunately I didn't keep up the the class, and don't often have that good of a workout. I constantly need to remind myself to get out and get moving. Or use my exercise equipment in the basement so it doesn't collect dust.

Earth Hour

2009-03-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

Okay this has nothing to do with Postpartum Depression, but I thought I'd post anyway.

I'm turning off the lights in honor of Earth Hour. http://www.earthhour.org/home/

2009-03-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

Tara at Out of the Valley has allowed me to share my story over at her blog. It's such on honor to be featured on another blog. Out of the Valley is an awesome resource, and Tara is a great encouragement. Go check it out.

http://blog.christianppdsupport.org/2009/03/27/survivor-story-tiffany-of-help-me-lord-i-want-to-run-away/

Depression & the heart

2009-03-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

I ran across this interesting article. It wasn't very comforting.

http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2009Mar10/0,4670,MEDHeartDepression,00.html

Basically Columbia University Researchers ran a study that concluded that depression can lead to heart disease. There is also a link between antidepressant use and sudden cardiac death. They weren't sure if the link was antidepressants themselves causing cardiac problems, or the fact that the women who used antidepressants were more severely depressed. They also stated that the impact among African American women is probably greater.

Nurturing Your Marriage

2009-03-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

If your experiencing PPD, your marriage will need extra attention. Your moodiness and emotions running rampant will no doubt take a toll on your relationship. Your relationship with your husband will feel the stress of new responsibilities and strife. At times I blamed my husband when things went wrong and for not doing enough around the house to help. I often lashed out at him in frustration.

Making a marriage work in difficult times can take effort. Love doesn’t just happen. It is a commitment. If you’re having difficult times ask God for help and direction. Use this post partum experience to strengthen your relationship, and try not to let a wall develop between yourselves.

Communication - Try to keep an open line of communication without blaming or accusations. Resentment and unresolved anger can cause deep wounds. Tell your husband what you’re feeling. If you need help, be specific about what you need and what he can do to help.

Treat your husband with respect. Don’t blame your husband, remember there are changes for him to adjust to also. He may not be having and easy time either. Fathers get depressed too, especially if their wife is dealing with depression. He will feed off the tension & emotions in the atmosphere.

Forgive - If something has happened that fills you with bitterness, anger, or resentment, be forgiving.
"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice; And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31 & 32.

Special Time - Set aside some special time to be together. You can ask someone to babysit, or it can even be when the baby is asleep. I often just wanted to be left alone, but being alone does just make a person feel more isolated. It feels good to talk or just cuddle. It’s good to have fun, like playing a game. It also feels good to laugh, maybe watch a funny movie together.

I'm back!

2009-03-18T22:29:00.000-07:00

After not posting for about 4 months I'm back.

I'm sure you are all aware of that motherly stuff that we all fret about getting done. It seems that for each load of dirty laundry or dirty dishes that you wash, there's another bin of laundry waiting or sink full of dishes waiting. Just when you think you're caught up there's more, as if it's breeding. Then there's the sick kids, just when the last one gets better, and you think you've got a few weeks of health, some other bug hits with a new round sickness.

Anyhow take comfort in knowing, we all suffer through these tasks. Sometimes the hill that we must climb seems insurmountable. When I was in the thick of my PPD simple household chores seemed impossible. I was so tired and lacked motivation. The laundry piled up. I'd wash it, but it never seemed to make it back in the drawers. My living room looked like I needed bulldozer to shovel through the toys so I could get to the floor. (Okay, I admit won't get any awards for being a good housekeeper.) I couldn't sleep at night and that just made me more exhausted during the day.

It does get better, though. Slowly the chores manage to get done. The sleepless nights don't last forever. It's alright to let things go and take things at your own pace. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Psalm 30:5 "...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."

How to help someone with postpartum depression

2008-10-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

Do you know a woman with PPD or think she might have PPD? Here are some tips on how to help:

baby sit to give her a break (any amount of time will be helpful)
do chores or cleaning
cook nutritious meals
encourage her to rest
keep unhelpful or unnecessary visitors away - extra people may add to the stress. some people, who don't understand postpartum depression, may say inappropriate things that may make her feel worse
ask her if she would accompany you on a walk. Getting out, exercise, and fresh air may help.
encourage her to talk about her feelings, and of course listen
take her concerns seriously. don't be judgemental, or blame her for her problems
sit with her when she's feeling bad. you don't have to say anything, just being there can show support. sometimes it may even be better if you don't say anything.
let her know that you love and care about her - Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born of adversity."
be patient
Use encouraging words - Proverbs 12:25 "Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop; but a good word maketh it glad." Some people believe in the tough love approach, but lecturing and trying to get her to "snap out of it" doesn't help.
She needs support. Remember that she needs comfort and understanding (which may be hard if she's cranky, irritable,or even combative.) Don't be angry with her or abandon her.
Encourage special husband/wife time. PPD takes a toll on the marriage. There's lots of stress and emotions running wild. The marriage needs special attention, so it doesn't fall apart.

The problem with discontentment & unfulfillment

2008-10-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

Among the problems that can affect mothers with depression is a feeling of discontentment and unfulfillment. It’s easy to look at others and think that their life is so much better. Other women seem happier, have nicer clothes, and cleaner houses. Other women, even those with babies, seem to have their act together and have an easier time. When we start comparing ourselves to this perceived idea, our discontentment grows. We think we are that much more of a failure. At least this is how it was for me. Only God knows what others are going through. Perhaps they are just better at putting on an act for others. At least that’s what I would tell myself to help me feel better. I knew in my head that coveting was wrong and that I shouldn’t compare myself to others. However, the essence of this problem is having thoughts and feelings that you can’t control. I think most depressed people know that they don’t like how they feel. Maybe they even feel irrational, but they’re unable to stop feeling that way.

It gets frustrating trying to do everything. I often feel like I’m being pulled in different directions. My children have so many needs, and I have personal needs (and wants) too. My desires often have to take a back burner to my children’s needs. This was especially hard for me when they were babies. Something that comforts me is keeping in mind that Jesus had very little time to himself. His personal devotions were interrupted. He had to pray while others slept. Jesus’ life purpose was for serving others, full of sacrifices, and ended with the ultimate sacrifice. Sometimes I need to remind myself what my job is now. I am a mom, and I am supposed to take care of my children, even if I don’t always feel like it. Proverbs 31:27 & 28.

I wanted to stay home with my children. I figured God gave them to me to take care of, and they were my responsibility, not a day care facility’s. I wanted to see all their milestones, first steps, first words, etc. Admittedly I hated the word, "housewife," though. Part of the problem is that society has tried to make the definition of mothers’ role blurry. Society often does not recognize motherhood as a full-time occupation. Many women are discontent with "just being a mom" or think it is unfulfilling.

Mothers already have tremendous responsibility and unending chores. They must make sure there are nutritious meals for the family, wash dishes, do laundry, clean the house, bathe the kids, etc. Add to those job responsibilities outside the home, and things get tougher. Even if a woman is blessed enough to have a husband that helps, she still has quite a load of duties and stress to go with it. With all this stress, comes more strife and contention. Whether we like it or not, God’s plan was for women to be a "helpmeet" for her husband, and keepers of the home. It is easy to fall into the faulty idea that this makes women inferior or less important. Fulfilling a particular role that God has for a person is an essential part of any relationship, whether it’s employer vs. employee, laymen in church vs. pastors, man vs. God, pastors vs. God, etc. No one in any particular role has less value in God’s eyes.

Hebrews 13:5&6 "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."

Postpartum depression is not a moral weakness

2008-10-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

There is a really good post over at the Postpartum Progress blog & at Out of the Valley's blog

check'em out. I found it encouraging because I was in the same spot a few years ago, feeling ashamed for a condition that I was not in control of, nor that I brought on myself.

Is a fast paced Society to blame? (part 2 of 2 of causes of PPD)

2008-10-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

The expectations of the mother or the society she lives in can play a part in causing postpartum depression.

A few years ago I read an article that said the instances of PPD was lower or non existent in 3rd world countries. The author wrote that it was due to large, extended families and the community coming together to provide care and support for the mother and new baby. "Families" are larger, consisting of grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and cousins. When a baby is born, everyone comes together. They all help with household chores and emotional support. The older women teach the new mothers about what to expect and mothering.

When I was in college (which was admittedly 15 years ago,) I took an anthropology course. In other cultures the mother and infant are often in seclusion for a particular amount of time after birth. This is to give them time to recuperate. Admittedly some cultures shroud this with superstition. Maybe these customs don't affect whether a woman gets postpartum depression, but it would provide rest, recuperation, and time to adjust. Personally I think there would be a different atmosphere and attitude concerning having a new baby. There wouldn’t be the same "life must go on," push to get back to normal life. Relatives come in and care for other children, do housework, and care for the mother. For example traditional Brunei Malay custom says new mothers must rest for 40 days, then there is a ceremony on the 40th day. Native Americans, like the Hopi had a 20-day seclusion with a ceremony on the 20th day. In India women, under
Ayurveda, are secluded for about 6 weeks after giving birth. They are instructed to rest, avoid housework, given massages, have a special diet, and meditate. In the Old Testament, in Leviticus chapter 12 women who had just given birth were required to be in seclusion for 40 days. Although this related ritual cleanliness and the purification custom of the time, I think this served a greater purpose. It provided formal recognition of a life change and transition time.

In our modern culture there is no formal transition for women who have just given birth. There is an attitude that "life must go on. Women have babies all the time. It’s no big deal." There is a lack of meaningful help for new mothers, unless a woman has the finances to hire appropriate help. It’s common for a first time mother to be inexperienced caring for a baby, or to have never changed a diaper before. Their own mothers or other relatives may live far away (or be emotionally absent) therefore unavailable for helping.

Personally, I do think that some these issues could have been a factor in my PPD. There was little support, as far as anyone teaching me about baby care or help around the house after I had my first son. I had little experience with babies. I had no clue what to do with a crying baby. When my husband and I got home from the hospital, We looked at each other and said, "what now?" We were both in shock. My husband, baby, and I were shut in the house for 2 weeks living off pizza delivery and heating up microwave dinners. I was scared to death to be left alone with the baby. I didn’t know what to do. I could barely change a diaper.

Just yesterday I met a woman who was waiting to pick up her kids from school. She was standing in the office, holding her little baby. She said the baby was less than 24 hrs old. She was standing there, dressed, awake, and acting like it was no big deal. My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know whether to feel sorry because she had no one to help her or not. 24 hrs after I had given birth, I was exhausted. I looked like a zombie, and could barely walk.

With urbanization and "westernization" there are also changes taking place abroad. Studies in the 1980's suggested that depression at the time was rare in China and postpartum depression was non existent among Chinese women. However subsequent studies show depression may no longer be rare. A study published in 2001 among 959 Chinese women showed 13.5% suffered from 1 or more forms of psychiatric disorder in the first 3 months postpartum. In another study of PPD in China at http://wvuerin.blogspot.com/2008/08/postpartum-depression-in-china-vs.html is said that China is just beginning to learn about mental health issues, and the country lacks the resources to combat PPD. China has comparable rates of PPD to that of the us. Contemporary Chinese women face more isolation and less support that their counterparts of the past. They also lack role models, like the us has celebrities that come out in the media like Brooke shields.

On the other hand, another reason that PPD could be nonexistent or lower in some other cultures is that the culture just doesn’t recognize it. For example, the Chinese language supposedly doesn’t have a word in the language to separate "depression" from "sadness." Some places women are taught to not discuss their feelings. There could be a stigma attached to mental illness, so it no one talks about it. Some cultures attribute illnesses (physical and mental) to spiritual forces, and treat illness with magic, spells, amulets, etc. Are women in these other cultures suffering from something that could be PPD but suffering in silence and fear? Or is it being attributed to something else?

If you have any comments, I'd love to hear from you.
next blog, I will be discussing disconntment & unfulfillment

Causes of Postpartum depression (part 1 of 2)

2008-10-16T21:32:00.000-07:00

I touched a little on causes of postpartum depression in my last post. I would like to go into that subject more in depth, as the causes can be varied and complex. After I realized that I had a serious problem, I sought treatment. How do you begin to treat something if you don't know what the problem is?

I was brought up being taught that people with "mental problems" had a spiritual problem. They needed to "get right with God," repent, or read their Bible more. This belief made me feel like I was more of a failure. I grew more ashamed and didn't want to admit that I had a problem. I felt that my faith should be enough. What I wanted to do was avoid taking a pill to mask the symptoms, while there was still an underlying problem that needed dealing with.

The medical community teaches that there is an underlying physical condition that requires medical treatment, like medication. I was in a quandary. In reality I needed educating about postpartum depression. I went for a visit with my ob/gyn and began researching postpartum depression to find out more about it.

From what I can tell the exact cause is unknown, with the generally accepted cause having it's root in hormonal imbalance. Various studies have been done with inconclusive results. There are lots of theories about causes:

hormone changes - after delivery estrogen and progesterone levels in the body drop. Hormones can greatly affect mood, causing irritability, anxiety, depression and affecting reaction to stress (as in PMS, teenage females, and menopause.)

stress - being on duty 24 hrs a day, baby waking up every couple of hours, an unpredictable schedule, and an increased workload.

Feeling overwhelmed - feeling like you have to be superwoman; doing chores, laundry, dishes, calming a screaming baby, maybe balancing employment outside the home, etc.

unrealistic expectations - trying to live up to society's standards when it's not possible

lack of support from family and friends

marital problems - which can be a vicious circle because the stress of new parenthood combined with any of the other stressors on this list

financial strain

sleep deprivation - being deprived of sleep wreaks havoc on the human body. It lowers your resistance to fight sickness, affects your thinking ability and memory, affects your motor function, and affects your mood. Just think it has been used as an interrogation tool on prisoners of war.

birth of multiples - more work, more crying, and often they are born premature and via c-section

unexpectedly difficult delivery or c-section. labor is quite tiring, leaving you emotionally drained, and c-sections require longer recovery times. There is also a feeling of lost control when things don't turn out the way you planned.

pre-term birth or delivery of a child with birth defects - this may catch you off guard and involve emotional ups & downs, and worrying.

family history of depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, or anxiety/panic disorder
traumatic family history. I came across this interesting article: http://www.psycheducation.org/mechanism/1MoralityorGenes.htm . This article states that the depression is caused by a gene. The reading gets rather technical with research data. This is the first chapter of a 12 chapter book about brain chemistry and depression found at www.psycheducation.org.

women who experience severe PMS are more likely to suffer from PPD, according to the American Psychological Association

difficulties at job

history of abuse

poor nutrition - This could be from an eating disorder, severe morning sickness that increased malnutrition, or poverty.

personality - the way one handles problems. Some people react to stress well, while others struggle.

expectations of mother or the society she lives in/role expectations (I will cover this in my next post)

Each woman is different. There could be any combination of causes that have been listed. Environmental factors exacerbate an already existing hormonal imbalance. One or more of these conditions might be present, and they build upon each other. People with depression drop deeper and deeper into the pit. Once a person gets in to the pit of depression it is very hard to get out. There is no quick and simple way out. That in itself is depressing. It's easy to get discouraged and give up.

There definitely is a spiritual aspect that is becomes quite important. I do know that in my own life, at the time, there was certainly a war going on. Satan can tell when you having a hard time, and he likes to kick people while they're down. Satan doesn't want people to have a joyful and victorious life. He wants people to be miserable and suffer. Often I felt too weak to fight. It was a fight that I couldn't win. Sometimes it felt better to give up. I remembered Job's wife, "curse God and die." In times like this I needed prayer, christian fellowship, and to read God's word. Bible reading was one of the hardest things for me to do. I was so exhausted and my list of chores was endless. If I got a spare moment, all I wanted to do was sleep. Getting fed spiritually is akin to getting fed physically, though. If all you eat is junk food, then you will become unhealthy. The same is true for spiritual food. So Bible reading and hearing the preaching of God's Word should be a priority.

Job 39:16 "She is hardened against her young ones, as though they were not her's: her labour is in vain without fear;"

Blog Action Day 2008

2008-10-14T21:18:00.000-07:00

I just found out about the Blog Action Day 2008. On October 15th registered bloggers are supposed to blog about poverty to "bring awareness and incite action." So with this post I will discuss poverty and postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression can affect anyone, regardless of income level, race, nationality, or religion. However according to the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, depression in the postpartum period occurs in 10-15% of all new mothers (about 1 out of 8), with rates up to twice as high for women living in poverty. Additionally their website states, "Recognition and treatment are important components of improving both the mother's quality of life and that of her baby and family. With treatment, it is shown that the impact of PPD on babies may be minimal. But, if the depression remains untreated and becomes a chronic, recurrent condition, it can impact the mother-infant attachment relationship and can contribute to delays in the child's cognitive and language development, behavioral problems or other psychological issues."

So why are the rates higher for women living in poverty? First let's take a look at some of the factors that go into causing PPD.

hormone changes - after delivery estrogen and progesterone levels in the body drop. Hormones can greatly affect mood, causing irritability, anxiety, depression and affecting reaction to stress (as in PMS, teenage females, and menopause.)
stress - being on duty 24 hrs a day, baby waking up every couple of hours, an unpredictable schedule, and an increased workload. Also consider worrying. Worrying about all the new stuff the baby needs, like a car seat, crib, stroller, clothes, diapers, etc. What if there's no money to pay for these things? What if you can't pay your utility bill? What if you don't even have a place to live?
Feeling overwhelmed - feeling like you have to be superwoman; doing chores, laundry, dishes, calming a screaming baby, maybe balancing employment outside the home, etc.
unrealistic expectations - trying to live up to society's standards when it's not possible
lack of support from family and friends
marital problems - which can be a vicious circle because the stress of new parenthood combined with any of the other stressors on this list, and financial strain can cause marital problems
financial strain - This can be especially hard when you are responsible for another little life. You have to keep a roof over your head, keep food on the table, keep the electricity on. Maybe you have hospital bills to pay for the birth. If your baby has special needs then add on more costs. If a new mother is under pressure to go to work, rather that take maternity leave that just compounds the problem. Many employers don't have paid leave, so any time off that is taken means no money. Also keep in mind that she's probably making a minimal amount of money that will have to go to pay for child care and transportation.
sleep deprivation - being deprived of sleep wreaks havoc on the human body. It lowers your resistance to fight sickness, affects your thinking ability and memory, affects your motor function, and affects your mood. Just think it has been used as an interrogation tool on prisoners of war.
birth of multiples - more work, more crying, and often they are born premature and via c-section
grief over an unexpectedly difficult delivery or c-section. labor is quite tiring, leaving you emotionally drained, and c-sections require longer recovery times. There is also a feeling of lost control when things don't turn out the way you planned.
pre-term birth or delivery of a child with birth defects - this may catch you off guard and involve emotional ups & downs, and worrying.
family history of depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, or anxiety/panic disorder
traumatic family history
women who experience severe PMS are more likely to suffer from PPD, according to the American Psychological Association
difficulties at job
history of abuse
poor nutrition - This could be from an eating disorder, severe morning sickness that increased malnutrition, or not having the money to buy appropriate food. People affected by poverty don't have the option of fruits, vegetables, meat, and prenatal vitamins.
pregnancy being unwanted or unplanned

So for people living in poverty, postpartum depression can be a big problem. They don't have access to nutritional foods and are under more stress due to financial concerns. Women that live in poverty don't have access to proper health care either. If they can visit a doctor, they may walk a way with prescriptions that they don't have money to fill. My prescription for Lexapro was over $100, thankfully my insurance covered half of it. For a lot of people taking medication that costs money is not an option.

Then there is the question of, what happens when the postpartum depression goes untreated? The mother/child bond will be affected. There can be learning disabilities, behavior problems, and other psychological problems for the child. The National Center for Children in Poverty at Columbia University came out with a study in Jan 2008 about Reducing Maternal Depression and It's Impact on Young Children (http://www.nccp.org/publications/pub_791.html) They advise that depressed mothers affect the readiness of young children entering school. In areas where there is a school system that these children, these children will enter school with these problems which will take a toll on their education (as well as the teachers and school system.) In some countries, however, children living in poverty may not ever attend school. These children will grow up with the effects of the learning disabilities, behavior problems, and possibly psychological problems. They in turn will likely pass these traits on to their own children.

If you have any thoughts about poverty and postpartum depression or ideas feel free to comment.

What is Postpartum Depression (PPD)?

2008-10-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

So what is postpartum depression? I thought I'd better talk briefly about what it is. Bear in mind that I am not a medical professional. I'm just someone who has been through it and subsequently learned a lot about it.

According to the American Psychological Association 1 in 10 new mothers experience some form of postpartum mood disorder. According to the National Mental Health Association 10-15% of all new mothers get postpartum depression.

Postpartum mood disorders can be classified in 3 categories:

Baby Blues - Baby blues generally don't impair functioning. Symptoms are sadness, crying, guilt, exhaustion, anger, and/or feelings of isolation. Many women will experience these symptoms after birth. If they don't go away in a couple of weeks or are severe it may be postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression - note that it may begin shortly after birth or up to a year later.
Symptoms:

crying for no apparent reason
helplessness
hopelessness/despair
anxiety/panic attacks
numbness
heart palpitations
frightening feelings/thoughts
over concern for baby
no feelings for baby
anger
lack of interest in sex (as if a new mom has time or energy for it anyway)
dramatic changes in sleep
dramatic changes in eating habits
inability to concentrate
impaired memory
exaggerated highs & lows
sadness or thoughts of suicide
thoughts of hurting baby
unable to cope

Postpartum psychosis - This is much rarer that postpartum depression, but is much more incapacitating often requiring institutionalization. Symptoms are any of the above in addition to; refusing to eat, frantic energy, sleep disturbances, irrational thoughts, paranoia, extreme disorientation, hallucinations, and thoughts of hurting yourself or baby.

I will close with this final thought from 1 Thess. 5 16&17 "Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing."

Welcome

2008-10-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

Thank-you, so much, for stopping by my new blog. I started it as a way to reach out to people affected by post-partum depression. I went through a very dark and lonely time. No one should have to go through those kinds of trials and tribulations alone. There is hope. God is there, ready to take your hand and guide you through.

Babies are such a great blessing from God, but taking care of them is no small task. This responsibility can be very stressful. Motherhood does take a sacrifice. By all means, motherhood isn't all bad. It can be quite rewarding and is an awesome privilege. The challenges of the post-partum period are hidden in a shroud of secrecy. You have a new baby! Yeah, you should be so happy! So when it doesn't go so smoothly, then we fall into falsely thinking that we've failed.

When I was in the thick of my turmoil, there were many things that I couldn't see clearly. Now that I've come through the fire, I can look back and see so much. At the time I looked all over to some Christian resources about post-partum depression and couldn't find any. There was information about regular depression and motherhood, but nothing that seemed specific to my predicament. I wondered if Christian women got PPD. Were my problems due to some weakness on my part? Did I have some unconfessed sin? Did I need to read my Bible more? Pray more? Get right with God? I started to blame myself. I grew ashamed.

After seeing my doctor and hearing stories from other women, I realized that I was not the only woman to go through this. There is no need to be ashamed. I think if more women talked about their experiences, it would help. Through this blog, over the next few months, I hope to share my experience, things that I've learned, and some biblical principles that I've learned. I will be discussing possible causes of PPD, treatment options, sharing some information about parenting, and offering some tips if you know someone with PPD.

"I can do all things through Christ wich strengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13